Homesick

So I was at work today with my headphones on listening to KSBJ (awesome christian radio station out of Houston, TX) and the song Homesick by Mercy me came on and I just stopped. I have heard the song multiple times and it is one of my favorites because if God gave me one piece of paper to write a note on to my mom to let her know how I was, I would write the lyrics at the bottom of this post.

The reason I stopped in the middle of my busy day of processing was because I am homesick, not only in the way the lyrics are written, but in the normal everyday homesick feelings people get. I think that is one of the main reason writing this book has been placed on my heart. As sad as this sounds, not meaning for it to be that way, I literally do not have a home to go to. I will never take Blake home to have Christmas with mom or climb the hill and show him where Chet and I played hide and seek or the cave we use to think wild animals lived. Those are things neither me nor my brothers will ever get to share with anyone we have met since mom passed.

Before I go on I do have a side story about the home I grew up in:
Blake, my friend Brooke and I had gone to the cemetery in good ole Craig, Ne and we
to go drive by my old house and see if anyone had moved in (cause that is all we ever do).
Well, we tried and tried to break in that house without literaly breaking something, but we
were unsuccessful. :o( Then it dawned on us why not try the front door? It worked!! So I
I guess Blake did get to see where I grew up and it was empty with the 70's wall paper,
they had even gotten the piano we left behind out. So I gave Blake a history lesson on my
memories of growing up in this amazing, loving place.

Writing this book and putting my memories on paper perserves them. Even the horrible memories that I am going to have to write down, but they are memories of my best friend. I know maybe that sounds contridicting to what I stated in a previous post, that I want to face the pain. To me the memories, good or bad, is not the pain I feel. The pain I feel and want to get of is a pain that is hard to put into words and at this moment I can't but it in not painful memories.

I realized today that I am always going to be homesick. Yes my dad is alive but he gave up his roots in nebraska to travel this beautiful country. I will be homesick till the day I die, literally, and go home to my Creator and see my mother again.

God Bless!

Homesick by Mercy me

You're in a better place, I've heard a thousand times
And at least a thousand times I've rejoiced for you
But the reason why I'm broken, the reason why I cry
Is how long must I wait to be with you

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

Help me Lord cause I don't understand your ways
The reason why I wonder if I'll ever know
But, even if you showed me, the hurt would be the same
Cause I'm still here so far away from home

I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now

In Christ, there are no goodbye
And in Christ, there is no end
So I'll hold onto Jesus with all that I have
To see you again
To see you again

And I close my eyes and I see your face
If home's where my heart is then I'm out of place
Lord, won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
Won't you give me strength to make it through somehow
I've never been more homesick than now